Day 17/30: I Most Wish I Was Great At...

Hello, gorgeous friends! And an extra excited "hello" to all you new followers *runs and gives you a hug!* I know, there are only seven of you so far but since this blog really just started under a month ago... I feel like that is just absolutely phenomenal! I guess I expected to have to write for a lot longer before anyone read this stuff! You guys. YOU GUYS!!! You guys are awesome!

Before I get straight to the point of Day 17/30, I want to share some cuteness that took place yesterday afternoon ...

Now, either my little Yoda got attacked by the Grinch or he was practicing wrapping some gifts of his own. That sly little booger! Seriously, though. Ribbon was everywhere... and torn up wrapping paper. Thanks, Yo. If he wasn't just so darn precious, I'd probably have been pretty mad (wrapping paper is pricey stuff!). No allowance for Yoda!

Anyways- day 17 is "The thing I most wish I was great at" and I have quite a long list of things I'm just no good at but really wish I was. Mainly athletic things like playing catch (I tell everyone I'm playing "drop" because that's about all I do with the ball!), basketball, tennis, running, volleyball... yeah, I'm clumsy kid with big big dreams. I used to avoid playing sports with boyfriends like the plague because I always just looked like an idiot! Then I learned (listen up, ladies!) that it didn't even matter if I was good or not, as long as I had a good attitude. You know what is even sexier than a girl who is good at sports? A girl with a good sense of humor who isn't afraid to laugh at herself.

But, at the top of my list, the thing I most wish I was great has absolutely nothing to do with sports. The thing I most wish I was great at is understanding. I feel like if you can gain a good understanding of people and situations you will become a much more compassionate, patient person. I have been working to "train my brain" to be more understanding but there are still those moments where I just lose it. Those moments where I get stuck in my own head, stuck in the fact that I want to be right, my pride gets bruised and understanding goes right out the window.

I wish that didn't happen.

I wish I was great at understanding. So that I never lost sight of the other side of the story, so that I always was able to get different perspective, I wish I never had those moments where I just couldn't understand any viewpoint but my own.

This is one of those moments where I realize no one can be perfect but wouldn't it be amazing if we all were great at understanding? Oh, man. What the world would be like if the next you started to argue with your neighbor, you could step back and understand his story and he could understand yours. Maybe you'd handle that argument much more gracefully. Imagine how patient you could be. Imagine the difference you could make.

Yeah, I think infinite understanding would be quite a wonderful skill.

What do you wish YOU were great at?

Day 16/30: Accomplishments

You know what is absolutely NOT a good sign? Showing up for the wrong final. Umm.. WHO DOES THAT?! Good new is my classes are marketing and selling and the coursework is nearly identical. But that leaves me with an entire extra hour... what to do, what to do? Oh, fine. I guess I'll post on the blog.

Day 16's goal is to list 5 accomplishments. I think we can handle that.

1. Going back to school. I hated telling people I wasn't going to college. Truthfully I always knew I'd go but I was lacking a firm direction and I wanted to take some time to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Everyone told me I wouldn't go back to school and I understand that alot of people never do. But I knew. I knew I would go someday but I also knew that it wasn't the right "fit" for me straight out of high school. Now, I still wouldn't say I ever really "found" myself but I definitely learn new things about myself each and every day. I am the author of my own life story. The point to this story is- stop worrying if what you want isn't the exact same thing everyone around you wants. That is perfectly okay. Welcome to life. At some point in time I think we all will experience something like this. Listen to your heart. You are the ONLY person who knows what is right for you.

2. Somehow managing to afford to live on my own, without roomies. I won't lie. Sometimes I'm broke as a joke because rent was due and utilities and HomeGirl has to eat. But it's the most amazing feeling to know that I made all of the life around me possible and that I am successfully standing on my own two feet. Sure, my house can get messy since I run in and run out and I basically spend several hundred dollars a month on a place for YODA to hang out since I'm never there but you know what- somehow, I manage.

3. Overcoming fear and anxiety. We talk about this alot, don't we? But it's true. This year I feel it especially. Gosh 2012, you really took me for a few loops and helped draw me out of my comfort zone on numerous occasions. I've been truly blessed to have the experiences and opportunities thrown at me this year but what's responsibility without that little voice in your head saying "Now, sugar- are you SURE you can handle this?" This year has been all about saying YES to things I would've said NO to in the past. All about new experiences and growth and rebuilding- and it has all paid off in more ways than I can ever truly express.

4. This blog. Blogging is harder than I ever would have thought. At first you sort of just have to stomache that feeling of vulnerability when you publish a new post. There is often a lot of wondering "what are people going to think of this?" but the feedback has been wonderful and I've enjoyed the journey. Somehow I learn new things about myself through blogging or maybe I've just had to sit down and really think about things I hadn't thought of before. I had gotten out of the habbit of really sitting down and writing and since I started blogging I've sort of forced writing to become a part of my life again. I had missed it.

5. Learning to be content with who I am. If you are going to accomplish ONE thing in your ENTIRE life- I recommend this one. I'm learning that I'm always going to be awkward. I'm always going to have that disconnect between my brain and my mouth that causes me to say all sorts of weird things that I SWEAR made sense in my mind! I'm always going to walk a different path than people around me and think strange thoughts and read way too much into the tiny little details of my day. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Why do we try so hard to fit in? It literally kills our spirits, I think. The little quirks that make you different, are also the details that make you amazing. You wouldn't be YOU without every little flaw. Stop hiding those away. Embrace them. Live your own life, your way, and the people who truly love you will stick around for the ride.

Okay, time for a last minute study session- for the RIGHT subject this time. Oh, my.

Day 15/30: "Wild Card" post- If you REALLY knew me...

Little and I. 

According to Cherishing Hopes and Dreams 30 Things, todays post is supposed to be "If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?" (a dog, by the way) but I don't really want to write an entire post on why I'd want to switch lives with my little Yoda. So, I have decided to give myself a WILD CARD!

And for all you card game experts out there, you know the best part about a WILD CARD is that it can be literally ANYTHING you want it to be. So, this left me with a tough decision this morning- what do I want to write about? I have several topics picked out for after the 30 Things like How Sappy Movies Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations of Relationships, the stories of things Iv already crossed off the Bucket List, and Just Because I'm An Introvert... and I suppose I could use any of those. But no! My brain has came up with something silly (and okay, fine, unoriginal).

Have you seen that old-ish MTV show "If you really knew me"?? Well, I've decided to make a post with that theme because I can do it in list format and ya'll know I love me some lists, right? So, here is it is!

If you REALLY knew me, you'd know...

1. Certain social situations make me anxious. I used to be ALOT worse about this (yay for personal growth!) but I still clam up around large groups. Sometimes, I have to give myself a pep talk to make myself go out. It usually goes something like this- "Now, Destiny. How many times have you gone out now? Several, right? And how many times have you had a blast once you got there? Every time! So, what are you so nervous about? You know these people. You talk to these people! They obviously like you or you wouldn't be invited. No, lazy, you can't stay home and bum it up on the couch! Get out there and face those anxieties, you hot tamale!" The best part about this is that EVERY time I force myself out of my comfort zone, the next time I step out of my comfort zone is just a tiny bit easier.
2. I struggled with low self esteem when I was younger.
3. Christmas is my FAVORITE time of the year. FAVORITE. It's magical. When I was little we would drive home from my grandmas on Christmas Eve and dad would make us search for Rudolph the whole ride home. You know those airplane towers with the red blinking light on top? That was Rudolph. My dad swore it was. So every time we'd see one, my dad would say "OH! Rudolph is moving fast! We better beat him home!" Obviously, as I got older, I realized how silly this was but I always thought MAN that guy sure loves me if he is willing to pretend airplane towers are Rudolph!
4. If I don't get enough sleep it literally affects me ALL DAY LONG the next day.
5. I have an excellent stew recipe.
6. I am a pro bargain hunter because spending money stresses me out but I like to get new things.
7. Someone once pointed out that I have a zillion different laughs. I have a laugh when I'm being polite, a laugh when something is funny, a laugh when something is REALLY funny, a nervous laugh, a "I'm uncomfortable but I don't really want to offend you laugh", and even a "I'm kinda angry and your being a jerk" laugh.
8. I bite my lip when I'm concentrating really hard.
9. I can literally put hot sauce on nearly everything and some things I CAN'T eat without hot sauce. Ramen noodles with hot sauce? SO GOOD! Mac n cheese with hot sauce? SO GOOD! Spaghetti O's and hot sauce?! I cant eat Spaghetti O's any other way!
10. I also have to salt everything which isn't very good. I'm trying to do better.
11. I get really super homesick if I go to long without seeing my parents. When I interned at Disney this was the WORST! I remember when they finally came to visit I was SO excited but when they left I was literally crushed. I stayed in their empty hotel room for an hour after they left just because I felt closer to them that way. I don't know why but I just feel safer when mom and dad are around.
12. I used to be afraid of dogs. Not like sort of afraid but like I'll-throw-a-fit-and-refuse-to-go-outside-if-there-is-a-chihuahua-anywhere-within-100-miles sort of afraid. Thank goodness I got over that one.
13.  Public speaking was my favorite  class so far in college. Weird, right?
14.  I've lived in my house for like.... MONTHS now and I still don't even have curtains up.
15.  Despite this blog, I'm a really private person and it makes me uncomfortable to discuss details of my personal life with people, especially if I don't know you all that well.
16. I think sweatpants are the ultimate BEST Christmas present any girl can get. Hint, hint.

...... well, that's all for now folks. It wasn't as deep as I thought it would be when I started but that's okay! I love when posts just turn into something completely different, like they have a mind of their own!

Days 13 & 14/30: Weaknesses vs Strengths

If you are wondering if I dropped off the face of the Earth since I promised a post yesterday and didn't get to it- well, don't worry! I'm a live AND there is a method to my madness.

Photo of Little and I from Brea's shoot with Meg White Photography

You see, day 13 was about weaknesses. Which is fine and dandy, we all have some. Only, I didn't want to focus solely on those. So I postponed that post so that I could do day 13 & 14 (strengths!) together. That way it's a nice, honest, but still slightly positive look into myself.

So, 5 of my weaknesses-
1. I put alot of pressure on myself. I realize that I do this. I know and accept that I'm not perfect. No one is perfect and honestly, that takes alot of the pressure off but thing is- while I don't necessarily strive to be perfect, I do want to be the BEST version of myself possible. It's a very fine line, I think, and I haven't found that balance.
2. I tend to "over book" things. I really like to say yes to things. Seriously. YES, I want to drive an hour to hit that get together, YES! I want to work full time, YES! I want to go out for drinks, YES! I want to go to school, YES! I want to have a successful blog (We've got 1000 hits in... 3 weeks??!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!!) YES! I want to have girls night, YES! I want to go out on that date. I don't like to admit when I can't do things and if someone asks me for help or to go out, I honestly really want to!!! So, sometimes, I tend to bite off more than I can chew. Okay, fine, so what if I'm a little overly ambitious? You gotta shoot for the moon to end up with the stars (or something like that?), right? But sometimes, this means that projects don't always get all the attention they need. I'm working on my time management skills!
3. I can be overly positive. To the point where it comes off as insensitive. This doesn't make sense until you've made a habbit of trying to give people positive advice. Conversations usually go something like this:
Friend: " This boy really screwed me over and I'm so sad and I'm not worth anything!"
Me: "Hey. Chin up. You can't dwell on that negitive energy or it will control your entire life! Put the positive energy out into the universe that things will work out. Youd be amazed. It really works."
Doesn't seem rude to you? Oh! Thank heavens! I really mean it to help but sometimes people don't want to hear that they control their reality and how they see it. Plus it kinda just sounds like I'm sugar coating telling them to suck it up. You know, rub some dirt in! Be a man! Be tough or something!
The thing is, to me, that is really quality advice because I very firmly believe that dwelling on bad experiences will warp your perspective. But as a girl, I understand that sometimes Homegirl just needs to cry it out (and while my advice is perfectly rational sometimes, as a girl, you just want your friends to be like "OH MY GOSH! HE DID WHAT?!!!!!!!! HOMEBOYS GOING DOOOOOOWN!!!!").
4. I am indecisive. I've changed majors 5048952805820 times (okay, fine- maybe not quite that many but it feels that way!). Heaven forbid you EVER ask me what I want for dinner because I literally NEVER know (unless it's a sushi- that's always a safe bet around these parts!). I have to pick out my clothes a day before because I will literally change my mind 700 times before Im ready to leave the house! It's horrible.
5. I'm pretty sure my brain is on drugs or something (Oh, but I, myself, don't do any! Don't get the wrong idea, folks! That was a joke!). Because my brain sounds like this- "fskajfaskljklsdfjkl;sdfjklajffdjljsflafjlas;fas" Yeah. Always. We've talked about this. So, if you tell me something and I don't remember it- its not personal. I swear I try to pay attention. I really do!


But, 5 of my strengths are-
1. I'm obsessed with "why". When people tell me an issue they have with someone or if I get frustrated with someone, I feel like I have to solve it like a puzzle. So I start contemplating "why". 'Why does this person keep arguing even though they know they are wrong?', 'Why does such n such get so defensive about such n such?' That sort of thing. The bad side of this is sometimes, if we have an argument, you have to let me step out of the situation. Seriously. Does anyone else feel like that? Like just give me 10 minutes to contemplate "why" and calm down. Then I'll come back and be able to face you and talk to you like a normal, rational, calm person. But I think that getting extra perspective has really helped in trying to develop more patience and empathy. Everyone has a "why". Next time your upset, just remember that. They have a story and a reason and they probably think they make perfect sense, just like you do.
2. Im a firm believer in positive thought and I think that helps me handle alot of situations. I love to take a bad day and spin it around into a good day. Like, okay fine I had a rough day at school but now Im going to go buy a delicious mint water and have a good day from here on out! Seriously, it can be something that LITTLE! But if you focus on it and make up your mind to have a good day no matter what, your day turns around completely! Try it some time!
3. I'm ambitious- sure, sometimes overly so, but I really think it's important to hold yourself to a high standard. Not too high, though- I'm working on finding a balance.
4. I have an amazing support system. It's hard to get stuck in pity town when you surround yourself with people that love you. Seriously. I wouldn't be the person I am without them. I can't even begin to tell you how brilliant they are. I think that is probably the best change anyone can make in their lives- throw out the people who don't make you feel good. Surround yourself with brilliant people who make you feel amazing. Negativity is contagious.
5. I'm creative. Give me an idea and I'll go crazy with it. Seriously. Sometimes you will have to reign me in because I get a little too far out of the box from time to time. But, come on, it's fun!

What are your strengths/weaknesses?

Not the Post I Was Supposed To Write.

It's been a bit of a rough week in Destinyland.

It's just been the sort of week where you feel like you've let everyone down- I'm not posting enough, I'm not focusing enough at work, Finals snuck up on me. It's just been that sort of week.

And I'm grateful for it.

Because this week has taught me alot- about myself, about life. So many important lessons and it's only Wednesday (Lord help us!). I've taken on alot (did you read yesterdays post? Yeah, it's alot to juggle!) and it's been brought to my attention that I'm not giving all these projects 100%.

If I'm working, I want to blog. If I'm blogging, I feel like I should be doing homework... etc.

It's all bringing me back around to dealing with the fact that I fail from time to time. Try as I may, not every post is just completely filled with meaning and sentiment, not all my paperwork got done last week, I maybe didn't study quite as hard as I could have for finals and above all that- I'm exhausted. Thoroughly so.

So, yesterday, I sat down and thought about what it meant to fail. I have such a hard time accepting that I fail from time to time. I know I'm not perfect and I think that is truly a beautiful thing and I really appreciate that about other people but knowing and accepting it about myself are not always the same thing. In typical girl fashion I still strive for the unattainable. I still want to be the most successful version of myself. I stil hate those moments when I have to ask for help even though I fully understand that everyone needs help from time to time. I still struggle with pride and accepting all of my own flaws.

Have you read that book The Perks of Being A Wallflower? If you havent, you really should. It's one of my all time favorite books and inspires me every time I read it. The movie is fab too but honestly, don't start there! Take the journey for yourself by actually reading the book. Well, one of the quotes from the book is "We accept the love we think we deserve".

Have you ever felt not worthy?

That was me this week. Struggling to understand that even without sucess, even if I were to lose everything, even if I had made far bigger mistakes than I have thus far- I am worth loving. I have more to offer than this blog (that I love), my job, money, etc.

I also realized this week that I had become a bit complacent and had gotten comfortable in very nearly every aspect of my life and because I was so comfortable, I had quit really putting forth the necessary amount of effort in each area. So, I'm refocusing. I'm making a pact with myself to shake things up around these here parts. To put some oomph in my step. To work harder and to be better.

Sometimes, you need people to tell you you aren't doing everything you can. Sometimes you need to hear things you don't necessarily want to hear. Let that negative experience fuel you and motivate you and lead you to make positive changes.

I've gotten a bit lazy.

Expect some BIG changes in this crazy little thing I call my life.

And I'll be back to the 30 Things challenge tomorrow!

Day 12/30: Typical Day

A typical day in my life can be kind of hectic, which is part of the reason I love working in an office so much- on slow days, you have time to catch up on all the other aspects of life that have got shoven into the backseat! Full time student, full time office coordinator, blogger, etc.- this is my crazy, hectic life and I love every second of it!

Typical site in my office- Me. On Instagram. When I'm supposed to be working. I dont get paid to take pictures?! Whatchoo saying?!

A typical day in my life would go something like this-

6:30 Am- The Alarm goes off. Reset it for 7.
7 AM- The alarm goes off. Don't reset it. Tell myself "just 5 more minutes"
7:30 AM- "OH CRAP!!!!!"
7:35 AM- Mad dash to straight my crazy hair, put on my makeup (which sometimes only gets half done- whatchu mean I need more than just eyeliner and mascara?!), throw on some shoes, feed and walk the dog....
7:55 AM- Run out the door.
8:00 AM- I'm supposed to be at work but traffic isn't cooperating.
8:05 AM- Run into the office all crazy and frantic and yell "GOOD MORNING!" To which there is normally a much less crazy "good morning" in response.
8:05 to noon- Blog. Erm. I mean. Work. Try to get that giant to-do list taken of care. Which would be easier if my inner blogger brain to-do list would just hush and stop yelling "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS BORING STUFF?! You need to be reading and commenting on blogs! You need to network with newer bloggers! You need to think about which blogs you want to sponsor! Do you want to do giveaways? What are you writing about today? Did you reply to everyones comments?!" Yeah, it's frustrating to live in my head sometimes! Good news is my more logical side usually fights back with something along the lines of "Hey, mister Blog! Do you pay my bills? No you sure don't! So, until you do, you are going to have to take a back seat to work stuff! Homegirl needs to pay rent!"
Around Noon or 1- I get an hour off for lunch which usually turns into coffee with the bestie/playing with the dog/napping on my couch/running all the way out to pay rent (note to self: next time, pick a landlord who has an office IN TOWN!)
1-5: Usually I show rental properties in the afternoon and try to do homework in between that. I have no computer or internet at home (call me crazy! I know!) and I take online classes so I'm constantly trying to squeeze homework into work time. Good thing my boss is awesome and doesn't mind one bit! Work some more. Show some more.
5:05- Get the heck outta dodge.
5:10- Finally get home. Play with Yoda/Talk to Boyfriend/Eat Dinner/Nap some more
6:40- Leave for school
7-10:30ish- Go to class. Learn all about Marketing and Selling and Business strategies. I know, I can hardly handle all the excitement myself! Phew!
11- Finally get home. Usually crash almost instantaneously.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up. Phew! I'm tired just typing all that!

Day 11/30: Pet Peeves

Hello, gorgeous friends!
Sorry I've been absent from the WWOB (Wonderful World of Blogging) this weekend! I'm actually thinking about making it a "thing" that I don't blog on weekends. Sometimes a girl just needs two days of down time to recoop and since Boyfriend and I live very different lives Monday-Friday, weekends are really the only time we have that's just "us".  Throw in finals being right around the corner and a massive project right around the corner for my Marketing class and Boyfriend and I's romantic weekend looked quite a bit like this-

Okay, don't worry- we had fun too! Watched movies, got ice cream, played the PS3- you know!  But boy I will be so thankful when semester is over!

Day 11/30 is 10 Pet Peeves :) So after much delay, here we go-

1. Mondays. I've always hated them but since they've started to mean Boyfriend and I are back to seperate zip codes, I officially really have some select words I would like you to use about Mondays. Maybe we'll have to incoorporate some fun theme on this Blog for Mondays so they seem more fun! I'll start thinking about that!

2. Cold weather. I live in the midwest. It's December. And yesterday I wore shorts and tshirt all day long. That is ridiculous, you guys! I'm not complaining though! Snow and I are complete friend-emies. I love it, until I leave the nice warm safety of my own home!

3. Rude people. The other day I spent 15 minutes in line at a Kum N Go listening to the man at the front of the line scream at the cashier because she couldn't cash his lottery ticket (I still don't entirely know why). Here's the thing- you will catch more flies with honey then vinegar. Being rude is so counter productive! If he had been nicer to the girl, I'm sure she would have been more motivated to help and even if she couldn't she would have had a much more sincere apology. Sometimes I think we tend to get stuck in our own little world when we are having bad days and aren't fully aware that we are passing off that negative energy like a nasty little version of Hot Potato.

4. People who can't drive. I struggle with this one because I drive all the time for work. I hate when people pull out in front of me and then drive 5 under the speed limit. Especially if I have an appointment to get to and I'm running late. Here is the thing, though- A few months ago I rear ended a woman because I was on my phone and driving (and not paying attention) everyone was fine. My truck got dinged up, her car had a small scratch. Still, it really inconvenienced this woman, obviously, to have to stop and wait for police, etc. But she was literally one of the most kind people I have ever met. Not only did she joke about how rattled I was and tried to get me to feel better (I was so mad at myself! I knew better!) She also swore she saw me driving behind her and that I wasn't doing anything stupid. She talked the cops out of giving me a ticket and then wished me a good evening and walked away with a smile on her face. Now, I can't help but think if that lady could be so absolutely sweet when I hit her and really didn't deserve her kindness, then I can be much more patient with other drivers on the road. But, sometimes, I will tell you- it's just so HARD!

5. When people try to hook me up. Okay, I'm in a very happy relationship and I really am so grateful to Boyfriend in my life. But I've said before that before him I didn't want a relationship and I MEANT IT! I can't tell you how many people came up to me (most more than once) and would say "You know, I nice this boy you should meet!" or "Let me hook you up with this nice Christian boy" or something along those lines. It got to the point where I felt like everyone had someone they were hoping to hook me up with. And that is such a flattering thing, it really is, for them to think I am worthy of someone that they must think so highly of. I know they all came out of a place of love and were wanting to help. But here is the thing- you dont NEED a relationship to be happy. You don't. You don't need a boyfriend in order to live a fulfilled life. I was happy with where I was and confident that there was someone out there and it didn't matter to me if I had to wait. We put way too much emphasis on relationship status these days!

6. When I say "Is there ketchup in the bag" (or Salsa) and they say "Yes!" and then somehow the ketchup magically disappears between the time they put it in the bag and the time I open the bag! Fast food workers = magicians! I'm convinced!

7. The fuzziness that seems to permanently plague my brain. I can't focus. Ever. It's official. I sit down to do one thing and my brain goes straight to 725 other things. At any given moment my brain sounds likes this- "heydidyoudothatonething?theskyisblue.Ihavehomework.Iwanttoblog.Ohhai,Facebook!Whatsfordinner?" which I think it's perfectly normal- except in my mind it happens ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

8. Headaches. I have a vicious one right now.

9. Teachers who don't leave feedback on papers. I like feedback. I want to know what people like, don't like, what works, and what doesn't work. If you ask me to read a paper- I'll give you feedback or suggestions without you asking- because that's what I like. I wish more teachers offered feedback.

10. Being late. For anything. I'm about to be late for class right this second, actually.

So. I better skidaddle. I promise you a better, much more thoughtful post tomorrow!

Love you!