There's something about the right playlist and the highway set out before you that makes you ponder the most abstract life concepts. Today's concept- love.
I've been praying a lot about love over the past several months. Does that make me sound desperate? Eh, oh well. It's true (the prayer statement, not the desperate part) and I never promised anything from this blog of mine besides honesty. It's not so much a desperation as a refusal to settle.
You see, I know that God loves me. I understand that He is timeless and has seen billions of people come and go from this world but yet- he knows us all so intimately that he knows the exact number of hairs on our head. He accepts me when I have no makeup on, when my nose is sniffley (can I please just be able to breath again, though?!), when I'm cranky, and when I'm broken.
And I think my worldly partner should be an earthly representation of that same love. Not to say they should be perfect- no one is. But they should be accepting and realistic about who I am and vice versa.
I'll admit it. There are times when my life is just not glamorous at all. I can be weird, hyper, moody, reserved, not as confident as I could be- I know these things. And I could go into a relationship pretending to be something I'm not- trying to be more outgoing, more flirty, more normal- but that would set a pace I can't keep. At the end of the day, I am me. I will never be anyone else.
Anyways, so I've prayed about this for a while and it seems like nothing happens. I've prayed over and over for a worldly partner to be an earthly reminder of God's acceptance and grace- and I started to doubt whether that even could - whether someone could accept the ugly parts about me, or stick with me through a hard time, or handle me when I needed to break.
On the drive home today, it hit me that I'm not getting that answer because I've had it all along. Just maybe not in the romantic sense. But I have family & friends who listen to me gripe when I've had a bad day, who have never been anything less than loyal, who have seen me with vomit in my hair or snot dripping from my nose (or spilling soda on myself like I just did- great!)- and who love me every second of every day without fail. And if they can do that, then whose to say that romantically the same thing can't happen? Somehow, someday, someway.
