Dec 29, 2012

Day 22/30: Hopes for the future (5 years, 10 years, 15 years)

Hello, lovely faces! If you are visiting for the first time- WELCOME! I love you already! If you are a returning visitor, thank you and WELCOME BACK!

Photo courtesy MegWhitePhotography

As you know, I've been doing the Cherishing Hopes 30 Thing challenge. I'm on Day 22 and let me just tell you, it's been a bit of a bumpy ride. Some of the posts have been so fun to write, some have been lackluster and unexciting. I realized this morning though that that is the point of these writing exercises- to get me to find a creative way to make boring topics FUN. So, lesson learned and I think I'm ready to tackle that challenge head on! Except I logged in today and wouldn't you know today's topic is FUN.

The prompt is "where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?"

Now, I love planning but I HATE making plans. Ironic, right? You know that saying "Life is what happens while your busy making plans"? Well, trust me, it's true. I feel like life loves to throw me curve balls and watch me play hopscotch trying to avoid getting hit smack dab in the face. Gotta keep me on my toes, right?

But ideally-

In the next five years,  I hope to do some traveling. Lately, I've just felt like there was a lot of world that I still wanted to see and a lot of adventures I still need to have. I get complacent pretty easily and I'm basically just craving a new big adventure. What's life without a little excitement, right? Expect some huge things to be marked of that bucket list of mine!
I would LIKE to get married. Shut the front door, I know. It's not a have to-do, I will be happy even if I don't get married until I'm 70 (although, boy, you better be awesome since I had to wait that long!) but in my ideal world, Homegirl would be hitched by 30.
Let's be completely frank here- I hate babies. Yep, there, I said it. I hate them. I swear my friends have the cutest babies I have EVER seen and I see adorable pictures on Facebook and think "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad..." and then I remember the crying, the pooping, the responsibility of literally teaching them EVERYTHING they need to know, and the fact that you could easily scar them for life with one wrong moment and I think "Nope. No. No thank you!" Okay, so that is a slight over exaggeration. I'm not completely opposed but they have never been a part of the "plan". What has always been a part of the plan, is that I would love to eventually adopt a KID (not baby) from the foster care system. It's one of those things I've always felt strongly about. During my internship, I was constantly getting new roommates or switching apartments to make room for new interns and I HATED IT. I never felt like I could settle, I felt like everything was temporary. I never knew who I'd be living with next, what the energy of the place would be, and I found it really hard to adjust in that environment. That's what I imagine foster care to be like and I can not imagine growing up in that environment. I can't decide if adopting is part of the 5 year plan or 10 year plan. When I say "I want this in 5 years" it sends me into a bit of panic- THAT IS SO SOON! So we will just leave it on the list for someday.

In ten years, I hope to be settled in somewhere. Maybe just outside of a city, so it's quiet but their is easy access to lots of fun things! Somewhere it rains a lot, perhaps? I hope to be published (I'm working on a collection of short stories!) but I also hope to have built up a pretty good clientele as an event planner. That stuff really isn't that important though. I hope that I'm happy. That's basically it.

In fifteen years, I'd like to still be writing, still be planning, hopefully still be married (or still waiting for the "One"), with a super cute son. I hope that I have the sort of family that takes family vacations all over the world. I want my future kid to be very cultured. I want them to understand that while they decide what is right for them, they can't decide for others. I want them to accept that there is a huge world out there filled with tons of people who do things different or think differently, and that that is a beautiful thing that is meant to be celebrated not rejected.

But that's the "plan" and we all know how well plans work out. Mainly, I'm most excited for the little curve balls I can't plan for. Life is all about the journey and whatever is supposed to play out will and all those little bumps are just fun little challenges that help me grow and learn.  I am ready for all the surprises, the messes, the less than perfect moments, I'm most excited about those because I can't anticipate them.

So, come on, Life- what'll it be? YOU tell ME.

Where do you see yourself in 15 years?

Dec 28, 2012

Day 21: Superpowers/ My first ever GUEST POST!

Hello, gorgeous friends! I was planning on skipping this post- "If you could have any superpower what would it be and why?" but since I have not posted much this week, I'm going to do a nice short little half post!

But, if you are really needing a nice little fix of A Little Serendipity, I just wrote my first EVER guest post for Kim over at a The Simplicity of Being Curious and I had the greatest time writing it! I don't know when it will be up but if you follow me on Facebook, I'll be sure to let you know. Expect lots of happy excited screams!

As for my super power, if I could have any power I always thought it'd be so handy to be able to read minds under the condition that I could control it enough to turn it off when I needed to! Seriously, I can usually pick up on someones mood or "energy" but sometimes when it comes to reading people I can be so dense! I think being able to read minds would keep me out of sticky situations.

As fun as the 30 Things Challenge has been- maybe 30 days was just too long. I'm ready to focus on some different stuff and writing that guest post made me really excited for when the challenge is over and I can go back to setting my own topics! (Not that I've stuck with the challenge that well, let's be honest here!)

I am so excited about the future of A Little Serendipity! A huge thanks goes out to Kim for letting me writing a post for her blog! I had the greatest time! If you want a good read, go check out her blog by clicking the button below! Thanks guys!

Seriously, though. Is she not just the cutest?!

Also, Christmas is over and we're rushing fast into the new year. Have you given any thoughts to your resolutions yet? I think I'm going to sit down and write mine out here very soon. Maybe that'll be my post for tomorrow! Here's one I'm thinking- travel. I'm craving a good adventure right about now. How about you?


Dec 26, 2012

My Weekend According to Instagram (Christmas Edition)

Photo/editting courtesy of my cousin (smiley pj's).

Hello, lovely friends! Did you have a great holiday? Boy, I did. But let me just tell you- it was busy, busy, busy. "4" Christmasses in 4 days? I've been out Christmas-ed by Christmas this year. I thought I'd post more over my Christmas adventure but there simply wasn't time. Plus sometimes you have to step away from that computer and just enjoy some wonderful family time.

We had a small Christmas midday Saturday with my grandpa. It was basically just mom, dad, Little, Grandpa, and I. Mom prepared a Christmassy lunch and we ended up stocking the fridge with lots of left overs. It was super casual but we had a good time.
Little at Grandpa's for Christmas "lunch"
Saturday night was filled with packing. I prepared all the games for the Christmas with the help of Little and I think they were a huge hit even if packing the supplies meant I had 3 suitcases for one full day in Oklahoma. Hey, what's a girl to do?

Everything is sorted by game. The planner in me may have got a bit carried away but there was NO fuss getting things together come game time!

Boyfriend and I got up and left early Sunday morning. We had decided ahead of time to take our sweet time getting to Oklahoma and so we made a quick stop at Anton's for breakfast. Even though boyfriend lives in Springfield, he had never ate there but I've been raving about it for ages (we're breakfast people).  Let me just tell you that place was PACKED but the food was delicious and a fun start to our little adventure! Even with the stop, we still arrived only a few minutes after mom & dad! We made EXCELLENT timing.

Boyfriend at Antons. Mapping out the route to Oklahoma.
Sunday night, we all stayed at my cousins and had movie night complete with Pitch Perfect, Fibber, Doggie Doo (seriously, though? Have you seen that game?), pizza, wings, cheesesticks, and soda! We had a blast! Pitch Perfect is HILARIOUS and I keep just wanting to watch it over and over and over! Also, my 4 year old cousin is a Fibber champ. Possibly because he doesn't understand how to play. "I have 3 aliens," he says while showing you his 3 alien cards, "YOU THINK I'M FIBBING?!" No, sir, I sure don't.

Fibbers with my favorite kiddos!
The next day came far too early since I stayed up past my normal bedtime. I'm old, okay?! Darn those mornings. We all got up around and dressed in our footsie 'jamas. Let me just say, they may not be super flattering but those things are comfy to the extreme! And honestly, I thought they'd look worse but I thought the pictures turned out super cute! Little and I were twinkies!
The fam. Onesied to the MAX!
In my family, Christmas Eve is WHERE. IT'S. AT. It's an all day affair complete with food, dessert galore, games, and yes, presents! This year Little and I were in charge of the games and things got a little bit "creative".

The first game we started was a game of Tabboo Word. Our word was "Present". I hotglued ornaments to ribbon to make necklaces and each person got a necklace as soon as we arrived. Then we sat down and explained the rules- 1. YOU CAN'T SAY PRESENT. 2. If you say present, you have to give your necklace to whoever calls you out out on saying the word. 3. You can get back in the game if you hear someone use the tabboo word. 4. "Present" and accounted for still counted as "present" 5. saying "presIDent" really fast did NOT count. 6. At the end of the day, the person with the most ornaments won!

As the day went on we added more words to the challenge. Eventually we couldn't say "Present", "Christmas", "Gift", or "Tree". Yeah, it got real serious real fast!

Another game we played was the Christmas Tree game. We split into 3 teams and selected a member of our team to be the "tree". That person got wrapped in green crepe paper. We used ornaments and garland to decorate them. Then we voted for the best tree. Poor Boyfriend, first Christmas with the family and he's dressed in a onesie and being turned into a Christmas tree but he was such a trooper!

My team with our "tree"
I found this site online and used some of the games from it- Jingle Box and Reindeer Nose Dive. The kids found out if you jump up and down you can get all the goodies out of the box in about 4 seconds flat so Jingle Box was a bit of bust. My advice for next time- thicker box, smaller hole. Still fun to watch.

Reindeer nose dive involves covering your nose in vaseline, putting a ribbon with a pom pom on one end in your mouth, and trying to get the pom pom to stick on your nose without the use of your hands. Let me tell you, it was harder than I thought it would be!

Reindeer nose dive.
We "carol jousted" in 2 teams. One team selected a Christmas word and the teams went back and forth singing carols with that word in it until one team couldn't come up with a carol.

We also play this game every year now where we wrap a gift several times. Box inside of box inside of box, etc. We get in a big circle and roll a dice. If you roll double you get to try to unwrap the gift. The kicker is you have to wear oven mits. And you get to unwrap until someone else rolls a double. Who ever is the unwrapping when the gift is completely unwrapped wins! Have you ever tried to unwrap a gift while wearing oven mits? It is not easy!

We unwrapped gifts and had a blast! I made out like a bandit and I think everyone liked what I got them which is always nice! B got the Larry Byrd shirt (from me) that we pass down every year. She had never got it before!

We went back to Grandma's and tried to watch Pitch Perfect again but I fell asleep almost instantly. My dad was just sure the snowpocalypse was coming so we woke up far too early. B and I have started a new tradition of doing each others stockings for Christmas morning and it turned out fantastic! Greatest stocking ever! I think I did pretty well, too- maybe Santa should consider hiring me full time!

Boyfriend and I piled in the car and headed back to MO pretty early. We made crazy timing and were back in the state by noon. And of course I didnt see a single snowflake! We stopped and had Christmas with his family which was wonderful. His grandparents made lasagna (my favorite!) and sent us home with lots of leftovers! Cant wait for my lunch break now! Yummmmmm.
I think Boyfriend was tired of pictures. We have a better one but it was on his phone and he hasn't posted it!
We had an amazing weekend filled with love, family, fun, and happy chaos! Wish we could have stayed longer but there is something really refreshing about coming back from vacation and sitting on your own couch, wearing your pjs, cuddling with your puppy (who was wearing a BOW when I got home which tells me he was spoiled beyond belief while I was away!), and watching some Once. Boyfriend plugged in my new coffee pot (I didnt have one before!) and we sat around, drank some coffee, and unwound a little.

Boyfriend made me these mugs for Christmas. <3 So precious.

Of course now it's back to the daily grind in the office (maybe the slowest day we've ever had!) and to top it off my truck wouldnt start this morning! Boyfriend let me borrow his car and I had quite the adventure driving to work since his car sits so low to the ground! Haha!

Thanks to everyone who helped make our holidays extra super special! We had such an amazing time and are truly blessed to have such great families!

Dec 21, 2012

Day 20/30: 3 Childhood Memories

My desk is inconveniently placed so that every morning for about 2 hours the light shines bright in my eyes. See those squinty eyes? That's because Im going blind. See that smile? It's because I'm wearing Little's Christmas sweater to the office today, listening to the Boyce Avenue pandora station (if you don't listen to Boyce Avenue- you should. They make annoying songs into amazing songs), and after today I'm off to enjoy 3 Christmasses in 4 days. Yes. It's going to be a little hectic... and amazing. I may need to break out my fat pants for this, folks!

Day 20's prompt (from the 30 Things) of "3 childhood memories" is very fitting since Wednesday night Boyfriend and I stopped by my parents house. You know those families that have little to no boundaries? That's my fam. You never know what is going to come out of those mouths. So, of course, we took a charming little stroll down memory lane where Dad kindly informed Boyfriend that I had been trained to fall asleep to classical music as a kid but that I would literally cry and throw horrible hissy fits when they tried to make me sleep. I think this has something to do with why Harry Potter puts me to sleep (which Boyfriend kindly brought up). Brea and I shared stories of how we loved this video game (Barbie Detective. Gosh, we were cool) but the shadow figure scared us so we always made dad play those parts and we were always ammused by making farting noises and blaming them on Dad (classy ladies even at a young age!). Okay, so really, it wasn't embarassing at all and we all had a good laugh. Gosh, so much LOVE in my family.

I already shared the Christmas memory (Ruloph the Airplane Tower) with you, so Il spare you that one. Even though it's my FAVORITE. Here are some goodies instead-

1. That one time I almost killed my baby sister. See. I really wanted to make a ball pit. Except I didn't have those foam balls or a pit. So I tied one side of a bed sheet to my bunk bed and one side of the bed sheet to my bookcase (which, I failed to realize, was two pieces- a book case that just sat on top of a dresser). It made like a hammock of sorts. So I, being a crafty little booger, filled the hammock with all the stuffed animals I could find. Now, over this past summer I met a psychic who told me I was "psychicly in tune" and maybe she's right, because I just had this bad feeling like I shouldn't get in that hammock. Obviously, I needed to test it first. So, what did I do? I tossed in my little (who was maybe 2 or 3 at the time) and that, dear friends, is when everything went all kabobble. Because, in very slow motion, the really heavy upper part of the book case began to fall. When I say really slowly, I mean that it was falling too quick for me to act but it seemed so slow that I knew what was about to happen and had lots of time to process the panic. Somehow, by the Grace of God, I guess- the bookcase just hit Little's leg which ended up being fine. She cried for forever and I got in deep trouble. She also tells everyone we've ever met this story. It's infamous. I wish I could say this was the only time we've ever had an accidental near death experience but unfortunately- we're very accident prone.

2.  CHRISTMAS. I already told you about the Rudolph game (here) but honestly, that's just one of zillions of ways my parents humored me during the holidays when I was younger. I LOVED musicals and singing, so I would make us gather around the tree to take turns singing Christmas carols. We also had a tradition of driving around and looking at the christmas lights people put up. In the car, we all had to take turns picking the carol and everyone had to sing it. My parents never flat out told me about Santa. Say what you will, I know some people don't agree with it, but I have always been thankful that my parents let me be imaginitive for as long as I wanted. As I got older, I slowly figured it out but we still refer to "Santa" to this day and I love that. Sometimes, you just want to believe in that tiny little bit of magic, you know? My parents really understood that. As kids, we were always allowed to just BE kids which I think sometimes parents lose sight of how important that is. I remember that for Christmas (for several years) I asked for a ventriliquist doll and a pair of stilts. Yep. I eventually got both. But I had to ask more than once. Which means I was REALLY excited when I finally opened those stilts! In my family, everyone buys for the kids and the adults pull names and buy for one other adult. So Christmas is extra special as a kid. I remember getting BURRIED under piles of presents that were literally taller than me when I stood up. Brea and I used to compete, which is horrible, to see who got the bigger pile of gifts. We could hardly wait all day Christmas Eve to open presents and we'd beg & beg to open gifts. We still beg, but really it's more for memory sake than anything else. My family passes around this Larry Byrd shirt as a gag EVERY YEAR and I remember the first year I got it I was a little embarassed because obviously everyone laughed but also kind of proud because it was suddenly OFFICIAL. I was grown up enough to get the shirt. I was part of the family.

3. MY DAD, A BEAT UP MINIVAN, and ANNIE (THE MUSICAL). Did I tell you I was obsessed with musicals growing up? Oh, I did? Phew. Because I really was. My favorite was Annie (my first dogs name was Sandy... yeah. It's bad!). And my dad (sorry for sharing this, Dad) used to drive me to the school bus stop in this really beat up clunker of a mini van. We always seemed to get there really early. You know what we'd do when we got there? We'd sing showtunes. Our favorite was "Tomorrow" from Annie because it was easy to remember the words to. One day it snowed and school got cancelled but we hadnt realized. So we went out to the bus stop and sang Tomorrow and it snowed and snowed and snowed outside around us and I remember being in awe of watching the snow and laughing and singing my favorite songs with my dad because that was like our little thing. Real men sing showtunes with their daughters if thats what their daughters are into. Just sayin'.

Yeah, we all kind of love each other and stuff. I know- it's gross. <3 Happy Holidays everybody. Just in case I don't get to post between now and then! I'l take lots of pictures for you!

What are some of your favorite memories from your childhood?

Dec 18, 2012

Day 19/30: If you could live ANYWHERE....

The prompt for Day 19 is "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?" and try as I may I don't have a specific town or location. But I do have some ideas...


I want to live in a place where it rains alot. There is something so soothing about a rainy day. Nothing zens me out better than a good thunderstorm or getting caught in the rain. I even think that, someday, if I were to get married outdoors, it would be AMAZING if it rained. Come on, some Hunter wellies with that wedding dress? How adorable can it get?!!

Anyways, that's something I'd love- a nice, mellow area of a town where it rained quite often. Where I could take walks on rainy days or sit on the porch and just watch the rain fall around me. Just a nice mellow little rainy escape from the stresses of every day life.

I've never been set on living in a huge house. Don't get me wrong, I've always dreamed of a nice house but never anything completely over the top. However, ever since I was little, I've always been drawn to houses that looked like they came straight out of a storybook. Little cottages, anything with a cute stone walkway, white picket fence.... okay, maybe not the white picket fence. That's negotiable. Just a quaint house, with plenty of windows filled with color, love, and great energy. Something along the lines of....


Seriously, though! Can you imagine ever being in a bad mood when you live in a house as adorable as that? The only thing I'd change is that I'd paint that door BRIGHT red. To me, this house just screams "welcome home!" If someone wants to call the current owners, tell em I'm moving in! Be there tomorrow! :)
Another important thing for my future home, is I want to use alot of color. My current house has purple, blue, grey, tan, and green walls (not all on the same wall!) so in case you can't tell, I love creative, colorful, fun spaces! Bright color in your home really adds this cheerful quality I think.
I want my future house to be a little escape. A nice, peaceful place to come home to after a long hard day. I want it to be inviting, bright, creative and filled with love, good vibes, and positive energy! <3

Dec 17, 2012

Newtown, CT

Hello, gorgeous friends! Did you wear your green and white today? I didn't even know that that was a thing until my sister called me this morning wondering what I wore (alot of black. Haha! So I compromised and threw on a green scarf and a chunky white ring. It's hard to do "themes" when you work in an office).

Okay fine, it's sort of blue! But there is green in that scarf somewhere, I swear!

I haven't blogged in a few days. I've been trying to catch up at work and get ready for the Holidays. I don't have internet at home and even if I did, I probably wouldn't have posted this weekend anyways. Boyfriend and I are playing house for Christmas break so we've just been hanging out, watching movies, cooking together, and just plain enjoying each others company! Usually we see each other MAYBE once a week for a few hours so this has been a really great change of pace for us! It's been a fun adventure in being roomies and I plan on devoting a whole blog post to our adventures later on.

Today, though, let's talk about something serious that I'm sure you are sick of hearing about.

Newtown, CT.

On Friday night my adorable Little came by for girls night. She sat on my couch and told me how all day she had thought about my mom (who is a kindergarten teacher in a local elementary. NOT in Sandy Hook!). Instead of watching the movie that we had put in, she read/watched constant updates via her iPhone. We had multiple discussions about how our hearts just kept breaking.

Let me first say, I don't have children. I'm not a parent. I can't even fully comprehend that amount of sheer gut-wrenching pain associated with the loss of a child and especially in this situation. All I keep thinking about is those poor parents who had set up those gorgeous Christmas trees, shopped for months in advance to find the perfect gifts to place under the tree as Santa, maybe had planned all sorts of fun Elf on The Shelf pranks- only to now be left with this giant void. I can't even imagine all that emptiness and despair and it honestly just shatters my heart to sit here and think of all this. I just keep going back to the pictures of those sweet little faces and it just absolutely kills me. My heart goes out to Newtown, CT. Really, it does.

I almost didn't write this post because these are just MY viewpoints and I absolutely do not want anyone to think I'm not respectful of your views if they are different than mine. Please understand- while I feel a certain way, I understand you won't necessarily agree and that is absolutely okay. Don't feel like I am trying to convert you to my way of thinking- I'm not. I'm just trying to understand a little.

Remember when I said that everyone has a story? I very firmly believe that. Very firmly. It doesn't make anything right here. It doesn't even make anything better here. But I think it does make it avoidable. I've been giving this alot of thought. SO many people coming forward saying they weren't surprised by his actions (some of it I don't much care for- you can be "awkward" and not be murderous) but no one came forward before. How does this all come out now after it's all too late?

Could he have been helped? Could this have been avoided?

Please don't think I'm sticking up for someone who shattered so many innocent lives. I swear, I'm not.
I just have to find a "why". I want to understand because when you understand, that's the first step to finding an answer, right? A solution to avoid something like this EVER happening again.

I read these 2 articles: This 1 and This one!

Two very different views (and who knows how reliable the first one is- I'm often skeptical of media. It's there job to literally SELL you a story so sometimes I think things get spun a little out of whack.)

Well, this made me ask myself a tough question. If I felt like someone was mentally ill, to the point where they were a risk to themselves and others, would I come forward and try to get help for some individual? I answered very honestly- no. I wouldn't have. I would have wanted to be "understanding" and not want to assume. I would have wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. I would have wanted to believe that they were fine.

If that had been my son, I can easily see why you wouldn't get help (doesnt make it right- Im just saying I can UNDERSTAND not that I AGREE). Because as a parent, it would be so difficult. You would feel like you failed somehow. You would want to undermine it and pretend things were fine and under control. You would want to see your perfect family as being perfect, you'd want the world around you to see it as being perfect. There is such a negative stereotype associated with being mentally ill that we don't necessarily associate with being physically ill. We understand physical illness, we don't necessarily understand mental illness. It's strange and foreign to us and yes, a little scary. Bare with me here-

So I started thinking about what would fix this (or come closer to fixing this) and I came up with this- education. I want (now feel the need) to educate myself on mental illness- signs, symptoms, etc. There are different kinds of mental illness, don't get me wrong, in all different levels of severity. If we can understand a little better, maybe we will realize that this is REAL. Maybe, if we are understanding about what exactly is mental illness, the causes, what to look for- maybe we'll be more confident and supportive. Maybe we can erase some of the stigmatism associated by realizing and understanding just what someone is dealing with.  It just seems like a good idea to know what to look for and even a better idea to know what resources and help are available. Because if this sort of thing can be avoided in the future, it should.

When we don't fully comprehend things, and bad things happen, we struggle to find a reason. Any reason at all. We all want to help, in our own ways, and sometimes this causes us to downplay or overlook an issue. Until we address mental illness as being real, until we focus on mental health and treat it as though it is as important if not more so then physical health, nothing will change. Now, I live in the Midwest and it's no doubt we love our right to bear arms around these here parts. But if you get in these situations and take away a "good guys" gun, what do you have? Just a "bad guy" with a gun. What your forgetting is that criminals will be criminals anyways. They are already breaking the law. If you are willing to murder someone, I assume your willing to get your hands on a gun illegally. Making guns harder to access may cut back minimally but as long as guns still exist, shootings will occur- legal access or not.

 We are sweeping the bigger issue under the rug here. We are trying to find a concrete, tangible solution to a very complex, abstract problem.

Now, I'm not saying we should all run in fear from the next person we meet who is mentally ill. Nope. Not at all what Im saying. Every individual/diagnosis is different and I've met some truly remarkable people who suffer from mental illnesses. What I am saying is that we need to educate ourselves better on mental illness and the resources available so that those who need help get help.

On a lighter note, I am so touched by all the heroic stories coming through about the faculty at Sandy Hook Elementary. So many selfless acts. Sure, there is a fair amount of bad in the world and this situation is just absolutely horrible, but from that same horrible situation came several amazing stories that restore faith in human kind.

Dec 13, 2012

Day 18/30: Forgiveness.

The prompt for Day 18 is "what is the most difficult thing you've had to forgive?"


I feel like when other people are involved, I tend to forgive too easily. I don't want to harbor hard feelings. I don't enjoy cutting people out of my life or letting them go. I don't want to be controlling or tell people how to live there life. Lately though, it's getting hard to forgive people for not sticking up for themselves. We get stuck in negative situations so easily sometimes. I hate being the person to provide "tough love" because I very firmly believe YOU (the individual) are the ONLY person who knows what is right for you and your life. That being said, sometimes you see changes in people you care about that just cause you to WORRY. And then you worryworryworryworryworryworry about that person until finally you just hit the point where you say "Okay. You know what. If you won't stick up for yourself then I'm not wasting my time" and even though it doesn't make me ANGRY, I have a hard time forgiving in the sense that I have to distance myself from the situation and just allow myself to let go and move forward despite their decisions. It's hard to care for someone who won't care about themselves.

Although, this brings me back to that prideful feeling where I like to think that I know what's best for EVERYONE and I'm always right and what I say should just GO without any questions... yadayadayada. So, in some ways, I'm wrong in those situations too.

But you know what is truly the HARDEST thing to forgive? Myself.

I swear, if we treated other people the way we tend to treat ourselves we'd live very lonely lives. Why is it okay to tell myself such rude things when I could never say that to anyone else? Truth- it's NOT. We all set our own expectations for ourselves, right? We want to be a certain way and when something happens that makes us react in a way that isn't within our "ideal image", we are disappointed in ourselves. That is always hard for me to forgive- those moments when I let MYSELF down. Here's the thing about that, though- you can't just harbor that negative energy. Seriously. It will eat you alive.

Alot of times we set the bar for ourselves TOO high (I'm so bad about this!) and we hold ourselves to unreal standards that we wouldn't expect anyone else in the WORLD to be able to meet. I've found that sometimes other peoples expectations pressure us alot too and if I feel like I let someone else down, that also can make forgiveness difficult.

Yes, it's hard... but you can't live like that. So. In case you ever struggle the way I have before, just remember-

You are a beautiful, flawed, but still amazing person. Your flaws are your gifts. Own them and make the most of them. Whatever you've done wrong that causes you to struggle (like I do from time to time) with forgiving yourself- remember that everyone around you makes mistakes and these mistakes are very necessary parts of day to day life. Without mistakes, we would have a harder time learning and growing. Without mistakes, day to day life would be so dull and mundane if you were absolutely perfect all the time. You are brilliant. You are amazing. You are strong. And you are learning, changing, and growing every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

Someone very wise once told me to let every moment take you back to zero- every new moment is a clean slate seperate from the moment before. So, whatever happened in the last moment, this is a new moment- YOUR moment- move on, let go of the last moment, and know that there are far better moments to come!

Oh, plus, I kind of LOVE you.

Dec 12, 2012

Day 17/30: I Most Wish I Was Great At...

Hello, gorgeous friends! And an extra excited "hello" to all you new followers *runs and gives you a hug!* I know, there are only seven of you so far but since this blog really just started under a month ago... I feel like that is just absolutely phenomenal! I guess I expected to have to write for a lot longer before anyone read this stuff! You guys. YOU GUYS!!! You guys are awesome!

Before I get straight to the point of Day 17/30, I want to share some cuteness that took place yesterday afternoon ...

Now, either my little Yoda got attacked by the Grinch or he was practicing wrapping some gifts of his own. That sly little booger! Seriously, though. Ribbon was everywhere... and torn up wrapping paper. Thanks, Yo. If he wasn't just so darn precious, I'd probably have been pretty mad (wrapping paper is pricey stuff!). No allowance for Yoda!

Anyways- day 17 is "The thing I most wish I was great at" and I have quite a long list of things I'm just no good at but really wish I was. Mainly athletic things like playing catch (I tell everyone I'm playing "drop" because that's about all I do with the ball!), basketball, tennis, running, volleyball... yeah, I'm clumsy kid with big big dreams. I used to avoid playing sports with boyfriends like the plague because I always just looked like an idiot! Then I learned (listen up, ladies!) that it didn't even matter if I was good or not, as long as I had a good attitude. You know what is even sexier than a girl who is good at sports? A girl with a good sense of humor who isn't afraid to laugh at herself.

But, at the top of my list, the thing I most wish I was great has absolutely nothing to do with sports. The thing I most wish I was great at is understanding. I feel like if you can gain a good understanding of people and situations you will become a much more compassionate, patient person. I have been working to "train my brain" to be more understanding but there are still those moments where I just lose it. Those moments where I get stuck in my own head, stuck in the fact that I want to be right, my pride gets bruised and understanding goes right out the window.

I wish that didn't happen.

I wish I was great at understanding. So that I never lost sight of the other side of the story, so that I always was able to get different perspective, I wish I never had those moments where I just couldn't understand any viewpoint but my own.

This is one of those moments where I realize no one can be perfect but wouldn't it be amazing if we all were great at understanding? Oh, man. What the world would be like if the next you started to argue with your neighbor, you could step back and understand his story and he could understand yours. Maybe you'd handle that argument much more gracefully. Imagine how patient you could be. Imagine the difference you could make.

Yeah, I think infinite understanding would be quite a wonderful skill.

What do you wish YOU were great at?

Dec 10, 2012

Day 16/30: Accomplishments

You know what is absolutely NOT a good sign? Showing up for the wrong final. Umm.. WHO DOES THAT?! Good new is my classes are marketing and selling and the coursework is nearly identical. But that leaves me with an entire extra hour... what to do, what to do? Oh, fine. I guess I'll post on the blog.

Day 16's goal is to list 5 accomplishments. I think we can handle that.

1. Going back to school. I hated telling people I wasn't going to college. Truthfully I always knew I'd go but I was lacking a firm direction and I wanted to take some time to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Everyone told me I wouldn't go back to school and I understand that alot of people never do. But I knew. I knew I would go someday but I also knew that it wasn't the right "fit" for me straight out of high school. Now, I still wouldn't say I ever really "found" myself but I definitely learn new things about myself each and every day. I am the author of my own life story. The point to this story is- stop worrying if what you want isn't the exact same thing everyone around you wants. That is perfectly okay. Welcome to life. At some point in time I think we all will experience something like this. Listen to your heart. You are the ONLY person who knows what is right for you.

2. Somehow managing to afford to live on my own, without roomies. I won't lie. Sometimes I'm broke as a joke because rent was due and utilities and HomeGirl has to eat. But it's the most amazing feeling to know that I made all of the life around me possible and that I am successfully standing on my own two feet. Sure, my house can get messy since I run in and run out and I basically spend several hundred dollars a month on a place for YODA to hang out since I'm never there but you know what- somehow, I manage.

3. Overcoming fear and anxiety. We talk about this alot, don't we? But it's true. This year I feel it especially. Gosh 2012, you really took me for a few loops and helped draw me out of my comfort zone on numerous occasions. I've been truly blessed to have the experiences and opportunities thrown at me this year but what's responsibility without that little voice in your head saying "Now, sugar- are you SURE you can handle this?" This year has been all about saying YES to things I would've said NO to in the past. All about new experiences and growth and rebuilding- and it has all paid off in more ways than I can ever truly express.

4. This blog. Blogging is harder than I ever would have thought. At first you sort of just have to stomache that feeling of vulnerability when you publish a new post. There is often a lot of wondering "what are people going to think of this?" but the feedback has been wonderful and I've enjoyed the journey. Somehow I learn new things about myself through blogging or maybe I've just had to sit down and really think about things I hadn't thought of before. I had gotten out of the habbit of really sitting down and writing and since I started blogging I've sort of forced writing to become a part of my life again. I had missed it.

5. Learning to be content with who I am. If you are going to accomplish ONE thing in your ENTIRE life- I recommend this one. I'm learning that I'm always going to be awkward. I'm always going to have that disconnect between my brain and my mouth that causes me to say all sorts of weird things that I SWEAR made sense in my mind! I'm always going to walk a different path than people around me and think strange thoughts and read way too much into the tiny little details of my day. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Why do we try so hard to fit in? It literally kills our spirits, I think. The little quirks that make you different, are also the details that make you amazing. You wouldn't be YOU without every little flaw. Stop hiding those away. Embrace them. Live your own life, your way, and the people who truly love you will stick around for the ride.

Okay, time for a last minute study session- for the RIGHT subject this time. Oh, my.

Dec 9, 2012

Day 15/30: "Wild Card" post- If you REALLY knew me...

Little and I. 

According to Cherishing Hopes and Dreams 30 Things, todays post is supposed to be "If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?" (a dog, by the way) but I don't really want to write an entire post on why I'd want to switch lives with my little Yoda. So, I have decided to give myself a WILD CARD!

And for all you card game experts out there, you know the best part about a WILD CARD is that it can be literally ANYTHING you want it to be. So, this left me with a tough decision this morning- what do I want to write about? I have several topics picked out for after the 30 Things like How Sappy Movies Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations of Relationships, the stories of things Iv already crossed off the Bucket List, and Just Because I'm An Introvert... and I suppose I could use any of those. But no! My brain has came up with something silly (and okay, fine, unoriginal).

Have you seen that old-ish MTV show "If you really knew me"?? Well, I've decided to make a post with that theme because I can do it in list format and ya'll know I love me some lists, right? So, here is it is!

If you REALLY knew me, you'd know...

1. Certain social situations make me anxious. I used to be ALOT worse about this (yay for personal growth!) but I still clam up around large groups. Sometimes, I have to give myself a pep talk to make myself go out. It usually goes something like this- "Now, Destiny. How many times have you gone out now? Several, right? And how many times have you had a blast once you got there? Every time! So, what are you so nervous about? You know these people. You talk to these people! They obviously like you or you wouldn't be invited. No, lazy, you can't stay home and bum it up on the couch! Get out there and face those anxieties, you hot tamale!" The best part about this is that EVERY time I force myself out of my comfort zone, the next time I step out of my comfort zone is just a tiny bit easier.
2. I struggled with low self esteem when I was younger.
3. Christmas is my FAVORITE time of the year. FAVORITE. It's magical. When I was little we would drive home from my grandmas on Christmas Eve and dad would make us search for Rudolph the whole ride home. You know those airplane towers with the red blinking light on top? That was Rudolph. My dad swore it was. So every time we'd see one, my dad would say "OH! Rudolph is moving fast! We better beat him home!" Obviously, as I got older, I realized how silly this was but I always thought MAN that guy sure loves me if he is willing to pretend airplane towers are Rudolph!
4. If I don't get enough sleep it literally affects me ALL DAY LONG the next day.
5. I have an excellent stew recipe.
6. I am a pro bargain hunter because spending money stresses me out but I like to get new things.
7. Someone once pointed out that I have a zillion different laughs. I have a laugh when I'm being polite, a laugh when something is funny, a laugh when something is REALLY funny, a nervous laugh, a "I'm uncomfortable but I don't really want to offend you laugh", and even a "I'm kinda angry and your being a jerk" laugh.
8. I bite my lip when I'm concentrating really hard.
9. I can literally put hot sauce on nearly everything and some things I CAN'T eat without hot sauce. Ramen noodles with hot sauce? SO GOOD! Mac n cheese with hot sauce? SO GOOD! Spaghetti O's and hot sauce?! I cant eat Spaghetti O's any other way!
10. I also have to salt everything which isn't very good. I'm trying to do better.
11. I get really super homesick if I go to long without seeing my parents. When I interned at Disney this was the WORST! I remember when they finally came to visit I was SO excited but when they left I was literally crushed. I stayed in their empty hotel room for an hour after they left just because I felt closer to them that way. I don't know why but I just feel safer when mom and dad are around.
12. I used to be afraid of dogs. Not like sort of afraid but like I'll-throw-a-fit-and-refuse-to-go-outside-if-there-is-a-chihuahua-anywhere-within-100-miles sort of afraid. Thank goodness I got over that one.
13.  Public speaking was my favorite  class so far in college. Weird, right?
14.  I've lived in my house for like.... MONTHS now and I still don't even have curtains up.
15.  Despite this blog, I'm a really private person and it makes me uncomfortable to discuss details of my personal life with people, especially if I don't know you all that well.
16. I think sweatpants are the ultimate BEST Christmas present any girl can get. Hint, hint.

...... well, that's all for now folks. It wasn't as deep as I thought it would be when I started but that's okay! I love when posts just turn into something completely different, like they have a mind of their own!

Dec 7, 2012

Days 13 & 14/30: Weaknesses vs Strengths

If you are wondering if I dropped off the face of the Earth since I promised a post yesterday and didn't get to it- well, don't worry! I'm a live AND there is a method to my madness.

Photo of Little and I from Brea's shoot with Meg White Photography

You see, day 13 was about weaknesses. Which is fine and dandy, we all have some. Only, I didn't want to focus solely on those. So I postponed that post so that I could do day 13 & 14 (strengths!) together. That way it's a nice, honest, but still slightly positive look into myself.

So, 5 of my weaknesses-
1. I put alot of pressure on myself. I realize that I do this. I know and accept that I'm not perfect. No one is perfect and honestly, that takes alot of the pressure off but thing is- while I don't necessarily strive to be perfect, I do want to be the BEST version of myself possible. It's a very fine line, I think, and I haven't found that balance.
2. I tend to "over book" things. I really like to say yes to things. Seriously. YES, I want to drive an hour to hit that get together, YES! I want to work full time, YES! I want to go out for drinks, YES! I want to go to school, YES! I want to have a successful blog (We've got 1000 hits in... 3 weeks??!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!!) YES! I want to have girls night, YES! I want to go out on that date. I don't like to admit when I can't do things and if someone asks me for help or to go out, I honestly really want to!!! So, sometimes, I tend to bite off more than I can chew. Okay, fine, so what if I'm a little overly ambitious? You gotta shoot for the moon to end up with the stars (or something like that?), right? But sometimes, this means that projects don't always get all the attention they need. I'm working on my time management skills!
3. I can be overly positive. To the point where it comes off as insensitive. This doesn't make sense until you've made a habbit of trying to give people positive advice. Conversations usually go something like this:
Friend: " This boy really screwed me over and I'm so sad and I'm not worth anything!"
Me: "Hey. Chin up. You can't dwell on that negitive energy or it will control your entire life! Put the positive energy out into the universe that things will work out. Youd be amazed. It really works."
Doesn't seem rude to you? Oh! Thank heavens! I really mean it to help but sometimes people don't want to hear that they control their reality and how they see it. Plus it kinda just sounds like I'm sugar coating telling them to suck it up. You know, rub some dirt in! Be a man! Be tough or something!
The thing is, to me, that is really quality advice because I very firmly believe that dwelling on bad experiences will warp your perspective. But as a girl, I understand that sometimes Homegirl just needs to cry it out (and while my advice is perfectly rational sometimes, as a girl, you just want your friends to be like "OH MY GOSH! HE DID WHAT?!!!!!!!! HOMEBOYS GOING DOOOOOOWN!!!!").
4. I am indecisive. I've changed majors 5048952805820 times (okay, fine- maybe not quite that many but it feels that way!). Heaven forbid you EVER ask me what I want for dinner because I literally NEVER know (unless it's a sushi- that's always a safe bet around these parts!). I have to pick out my clothes a day before because I will literally change my mind 700 times before Im ready to leave the house! It's horrible.
5. I'm pretty sure my brain is on drugs or something (Oh, but I, myself, don't do any! Don't get the wrong idea, folks! That was a joke!). Because my brain sounds like this- "fskajfaskljklsdfjkl;sdfjklajffdjljsflafjlas;fas" Yeah. Always. We've talked about this. So, if you tell me something and I don't remember it- its not personal. I swear I try to pay attention. I really do!

But, 5 of my strengths are-
1. I'm obsessed with "why". When people tell me an issue they have with someone or if I get frustrated with someone, I feel like I have to solve it like a puzzle. So I start contemplating "why". 'Why does this person keep arguing even though they know they are wrong?', 'Why does such n such get so defensive about such n such?' That sort of thing. The bad side of this is sometimes, if we have an argument, you have to let me step out of the situation. Seriously. Does anyone else feel like that? Like just give me 10 minutes to contemplate "why" and calm down. Then I'll come back and be able to face you and talk to you like a normal, rational, calm person. But I think that getting extra perspective has really helped in trying to develop more patience and empathy. Everyone has a "why". Next time your upset, just remember that. They have a story and a reason and they probably think they make perfect sense, just like you do.
2. Im a firm believer in positive thought and I think that helps me handle alot of situations. I love to take a bad day and spin it around into a good day. Like, okay fine I had a rough day at school but now Im going to go buy a delicious mint water and have a good day from here on out! Seriously, it can be something that LITTLE! But if you focus on it and make up your mind to have a good day no matter what, your day turns around completely! Try it some time!
3. I'm ambitious- sure, sometimes overly so, but I really think it's important to hold yourself to a high standard. Not too high, though- I'm working on finding a balance.
4. I have an amazing support system. It's hard to get stuck in pity town when you surround yourself with people that love you. Seriously. I wouldn't be the person I am without them. I can't even begin to tell you how brilliant they are. I think that is probably the best change anyone can make in their lives- throw out the people who don't make you feel good. Surround yourself with brilliant people who make you feel amazing. Negativity is contagious.
5. I'm creative. Give me an idea and I'll go crazy with it. Seriously. Sometimes you will have to reign me in because I get a little too far out of the box from time to time. But, come on, it's fun!

What are your strengths/weaknesses?

Dec 5, 2012

Not the Post I Was Supposed To Write.

It's been a bit of a rough week in Destinyland.

It's just been the sort of week where you feel like you've let everyone down- I'm not posting enough, I'm not focusing enough at work, Finals snuck up on me. It's just been that sort of week.

And I'm grateful for it.

Because this week has taught me alot- about myself, about life. So many important lessons and it's only Wednesday (Lord help us!). I've taken on alot (did you read yesterdays post? Yeah, it's alot to juggle!) and it's been brought to my attention that I'm not giving all these projects 100%.

If I'm working, I want to blog. If I'm blogging, I feel like I should be doing homework... etc.

It's all bringing me back around to dealing with the fact that I fail from time to time. Try as I may, not every post is just completely filled with meaning and sentiment, not all my paperwork got done last week, I maybe didn't study quite as hard as I could have for finals and above all that- I'm exhausted. Thoroughly so.

So, yesterday, I sat down and thought about what it meant to fail. I have such a hard time accepting that I fail from time to time. I know I'm not perfect and I think that is truly a beautiful thing and I really appreciate that about other people but knowing and accepting it about myself are not always the same thing. In typical girl fashion I still strive for the unattainable. I still want to be the most successful version of myself. I stil hate those moments when I have to ask for help even though I fully understand that everyone needs help from time to time. I still struggle with pride and accepting all of my own flaws.

Have you read that book The Perks of Being A Wallflower? If you havent, you really should. It's one of my all time favorite books and inspires me every time I read it. The movie is fab too but honestly, don't start there! Take the journey for yourself by actually reading the book. Well, one of the quotes from the book is "We accept the love we think we deserve".

Have you ever felt not worthy?

That was me this week. Struggling to understand that even without sucess, even if I were to lose everything, even if I had made far bigger mistakes than I have thus far- I am worth loving. I have more to offer than this blog (that I love), my job, money, etc.

I also realized this week that I had become a bit complacent and had gotten comfortable in very nearly every aspect of my life and because I was so comfortable, I had quit really putting forth the necessary amount of effort in each area. So, I'm refocusing. I'm making a pact with myself to shake things up around these here parts. To put some oomph in my step. To work harder and to be better.

Sometimes, you need people to tell you you aren't doing everything you can. Sometimes you need to hear things you don't necessarily want to hear. Let that negative experience fuel you and motivate you and lead you to make positive changes.

I've gotten a bit lazy.

Expect some BIG changes in this crazy little thing I call my life.

And I'll be back to the 30 Things challenge tomorrow!

Dec 4, 2012

Day 12/30: Typical Day

A typical day in my life can be kind of hectic, which is part of the reason I love working in an office so much- on slow days, you have time to catch up on all the other aspects of life that have got shoven into the backseat! Full time student, full time office coordinator, blogger, etc.- this is my crazy, hectic life and I love every second of it!

Typical site in my office- Me. On Instagram. When I'm supposed to be working. I dont get paid to take pictures?! Whatchoo saying?!

A typical day in my life would go something like this-

6:30 Am- The Alarm goes off. Reset it for 7.
7 AM- The alarm goes off. Don't reset it. Tell myself "just 5 more minutes"
7:30 AM- "OH CRAP!!!!!"
7:35 AM- Mad dash to straight my crazy hair, put on my makeup (which sometimes only gets half done- whatchu mean I need more than just eyeliner and mascara?!), throw on some shoes, feed and walk the dog....
7:55 AM- Run out the door.
8:00 AM- I'm supposed to be at work but traffic isn't cooperating.
8:05 AM- Run into the office all crazy and frantic and yell "GOOD MORNING!" To which there is normally a much less crazy "good morning" in response.
8:05 to noon- Blog. Erm. I mean. Work. Try to get that giant to-do list taken of care. Which would be easier if my inner blogger brain to-do list would just hush and stop yelling "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS BORING STUFF?! You need to be reading and commenting on blogs! You need to network with newer bloggers! You need to think about which blogs you want to sponsor! Do you want to do giveaways? What are you writing about today? Did you reply to everyones comments?!" Yeah, it's frustrating to live in my head sometimes! Good news is my more logical side usually fights back with something along the lines of "Hey, mister Blog! Do you pay my bills? No you sure don't! So, until you do, you are going to have to take a back seat to work stuff! Homegirl needs to pay rent!"
Around Noon or 1- I get an hour off for lunch which usually turns into coffee with the bestie/playing with the dog/napping on my couch/running all the way out to pay rent (note to self: next time, pick a landlord who has an office IN TOWN!)
1-5: Usually I show rental properties in the afternoon and try to do homework in between that. I have no computer or internet at home (call me crazy! I know!) and I take online classes so I'm constantly trying to squeeze homework into work time. Good thing my boss is awesome and doesn't mind one bit! Work some more. Show some more.
5:05- Get the heck outta dodge.
5:10- Finally get home. Play with Yoda/Talk to Boyfriend/Eat Dinner/Nap some more
6:40- Leave for school
7-10:30ish- Go to class. Learn all about Marketing and Selling and Business strategies. I know, I can hardly handle all the excitement myself! Phew!
11- Finally get home. Usually crash almost instantaneously.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up. Phew! I'm tired just typing all that!

Dec 3, 2012

Day 11/30: Pet Peeves

Hello, gorgeous friends!
Sorry I've been absent from the WWOB (Wonderful World of Blogging) this weekend! I'm actually thinking about making it a "thing" that I don't blog on weekends. Sometimes a girl just needs two days of down time to recoop and since Boyfriend and I live very different lives Monday-Friday, weekends are really the only time we have that's just "us".  Throw in finals being right around the corner and a massive project right around the corner for my Marketing class and Boyfriend and I's romantic weekend looked quite a bit like this-
Okay, don't worry- we had fun too! Watched movies, got ice cream, played the PS3- you know!  But boy I will be so thankful when semester is over!

Day 11/30 is 10 Pet Peeves :) So after much delay, here we go-

1. Mondays. I've always hated them but since they've started to mean Boyfriend and I are back to seperate zip codes, I officially really have some select words I would like you to use about Mondays. Maybe we'll have to incoorporate some fun theme on this Blog for Mondays so they seem more fun! I'll start thinking about that!

2. Cold weather. I live in the midwest. It's December. And yesterday I wore shorts and tshirt all day long. That is ridiculous, you guys! I'm not complaining though! Snow and I are complete friend-emies. I love it, until I leave the nice warm safety of my own home!

3. Rude people. The other day I spent 15 minutes in line at a Kum N Go listening to the man at the front of the line scream at the cashier because she couldn't cash his lottery ticket (I still don't entirely know why). Here's the thing- you will catch more flies with honey then vinegar. Being rude is so counter productive! If he had been nicer to the girl, I'm sure she would have been more motivated to help and even if she couldn't she would have had a much more sincere apology. Sometimes I think we tend to get stuck in our own little world when we are having bad days and aren't fully aware that we are passing off that negative energy like a nasty little version of Hot Potato.

4. People who can't drive. I struggle with this one because I drive all the time for work. I hate when people pull out in front of me and then drive 5 under the speed limit. Especially if I have an appointment to get to and I'm running late. Here is the thing, though- A few months ago I rear ended a woman because I was on my phone and driving (and not paying attention) everyone was fine. My truck got dinged up, her car had a small scratch. Still, it really inconvenienced this woman, obviously, to have to stop and wait for police, etc. But she was literally one of the most kind people I have ever met. Not only did she joke about how rattled I was and tried to get me to feel better (I was so mad at myself! I knew better!) She also swore she saw me driving behind her and that I wasn't doing anything stupid. She talked the cops out of giving me a ticket and then wished me a good evening and walked away with a smile on her face. Now, I can't help but think if that lady could be so absolutely sweet when I hit her and really didn't deserve her kindness, then I can be much more patient with other drivers on the road. But, sometimes, I will tell you- it's just so HARD!

5. When people try to hook me up. Okay, I'm in a very happy relationship and I really am so grateful to Boyfriend in my life. But I've said before that before him I didn't want a relationship and I MEANT IT! I can't tell you how many people came up to me (most more than once) and would say "You know, I nice this boy you should meet!" or "Let me hook you up with this nice Christian boy" or something along those lines. It got to the point where I felt like everyone had someone they were hoping to hook me up with. And that is such a flattering thing, it really is, for them to think I am worthy of someone that they must think so highly of. I know they all came out of a place of love and were wanting to help. But here is the thing- you dont NEED a relationship to be happy. You don't. You don't need a boyfriend in order to live a fulfilled life. I was happy with where I was and confident that there was someone out there and it didn't matter to me if I had to wait. We put way too much emphasis on relationship status these days!

6. When I say "Is there ketchup in the bag" (or Salsa) and they say "Yes!" and then somehow the ketchup magically disappears between the time they put it in the bag and the time I open the bag! Fast food workers = magicians! I'm convinced!

7. The fuzziness that seems to permanently plague my brain. I can't focus. Ever. It's official. I sit down to do one thing and my brain goes straight to 725 other things. At any given moment my brain sounds likes this- "heydidyoudothatonething?theskyisblue.Ihavehomework.Iwanttoblog.Ohhai,Facebook!Whatsfordinner?" which I think it's perfectly normal- except in my mind it happens ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

8. Headaches. I have a vicious one right now.

9. Teachers who don't leave feedback on papers. I like feedback. I want to know what people like, don't like, what works, and what doesn't work. If you ask me to read a paper- I'll give you feedback or suggestions without you asking- because that's what I like. I wish more teachers offered feedback.

10. Being late. For anything. I'm about to be late for class right this second, actually.

So. I better skidaddle. I promise you a better, much more thoughtful post tomorrow!

Love you!

Nov 30, 2012

Day 10/30: Most Embarassing Moment.

Do I have to talk about this? Seriously? Online for everyone to see?

I have seriously tried to find something, ANYTHING!, else to write about. I've had so many embarassing moments that surely I could just post one of those and you would probably never be any wiser! There was that time I screwed up the National Anthem (twice), that time I faked an injury (and got caught) because I wanted to ride the elevator at my elementary school, the great glove incident of third grade, the kindergarten graduation hat experience- surely I could just write about one of those and you'd never know the difference. I even resorted to reading dozens of other "30 things" blog posts by people trying to see how honest they were- none of them gave me much comfort (tripping in public, a wedding day that went array...) while I know they were quite a big deal to the people writing them.

Here's the thing- I'd know if I sugar coated the truth. That wouldn't be honest.  I strive to be honest and real. I don't want you to get some false perception of my life. I don't want you to think there is any such thing as a perfect life  free of arguments, stress, or-yes- humiliation because I think that occasionally leads to unrealistic expectations for your own life. That perfect stress-free life doesn't exist. The key, I think, to a "perfect" life is accepting that things will get difficult and just making up your mind that you are fine with that and "training your brain" to find something positive in every situation.

Yeah, okay, I'm procrastinating. I've got to just do this quick and get it over. Like ripping off a bandaid. Ugh. Here it is...

The Story Of That One Time Life Got Quite Messy (LITERALLY!)
Also, it involves a period (not the grammatical kind) so if that weirds you out then believe me when I say you do NOT want to read any further.

Oh, what's that? You're going to continue reading, anyways? Shucks! Are you sure? Really sure? Come on, now. Seriously? There is no changing your mind? Okay- fine. Just remember- I warned you.

So, I was in.... 8th grade, I think... and back then things weren't quite clockwork, if you catch what I'm throwing at you there. Anyways, I was in school one day and things became a little messy. Haha. That's the best I can do. I'm turning a million shades of red over here (my face! Ugh! Oh gosh, now everything is turning into a period joke. Apparently I think I'm funny...)

Anyways, here's the thing, I had to have the worst luck ever back then because 1. I was literally wearing the lightest, whitest pair of jeans I owned 2. I was supposed to be staying after school and 3. I am pretty sure I gave a presentation to my Science class that day or did something in Science that involved me turning my back to the entire class.

Seriously. Kill me now.

The mess was RIDICULOUS and I had NO IDEA! Now little 13 year old me- seriously- how did you not notice? But I didn't.

At one point in time a girl even came up and said "uh, hey, Destiny--- never mind" and as soon as I realized what had happened I knew she was going to tell me. But she didn't. Why are we always so scared to tell the hard truth? Even if it will save someone embarassment?

Silver lining time- First, thank God, this is the only time I remember this happening. Second, I'm pretty sure that since I didn't die of embarassment from that when I was a timid, shy 13 year old I probably can assume I won't die of embarassment from anything here on out.

Life lesson- Being brutally honest can be tough (I've learned this through both posting on this blog and through the person who didn't tell me when they could have) but sometimes it's exactly what is necessary. Don't get me wrong- have some compassion. There is a polite way to go about it- but at the same time, if you have something in your teeth and I notice- I'm just going to tell you nicely. Because I've been on the other side and it's always better to just say something and save that person further embarassment.

Also, we all embarass ourselves from time to time. Don't believe me? The whole time I was writing this I was thinking of that book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and how if that guy can survive his embarassing moment, I can easily post mine. Seriously. Read it. You'll die laughing. (Not for the weak of heart or easily offended, though).

So, I'm still standing. Phew. But if I can survive that (and live to write about it) then you can make it through whatever it is that embarasses you.

What is YOUR most embarassing moment? Feel free to message me if you aren't comfortable leaving it in the comments. I have to tell you, though, it's kind of liberating.

Nov 29, 2012

Day 9/30: 10 People Who Have Had An Influence On My Life

I am a firm believer that people are basically giant collages of life events, beliefs, and the people closest to them. Every person who enters your life has a purpose. Every obstactle you face has a purpose. Every triumph has a purpose. Yes, you, yourself, have a purpose. We are all growing and influencing and learning every second of every day. Now, that's kind of a scary but also really spectacular thought, right?

Day 9 of the 30 Things challenge is 10 People Who Have Influenced My Life. If you don't make the list, please don't think that you are not important to me or have not had an affect on my life. Each and every one of you have been a complete blessing (even those of you I haven't met). I've been affected by and learned from far more than 10 people but for the sake of this blog I am trying to narrow it down to the 10 most significant but know that no matter how small a role you have played in my life you are significant and I wouldn't be exactly who I am without you.

Alright, here we go. 10 People and the impact they've had on my life (in perfectly random order).

*If you are reading this you may notice that I refer to them by their title (Dad, Mom, Boyfriend, Little (sister), etc.) and not by name. This isn't to be rude. This is my place to share my stories and while I'm fine with sharing my thoughts online for anyone, they might not be. If you know us personally, then you will know them by name and if you don't then you won't. It's just my little way of protecting everyone's privacy. You know, just in case.

1. My Dad.
I've told you before that my Dad is basically a superhero but he's also a giant softie (Oops, sorry, Dad. Now everyone knows the truth!) He's always been that one person who isn't afraid to tell you if you are making a mistake but always support you and lets you make the mistake in the end if that is what you choose. He's the most open minded person I've met. He's also never afraid to tell you when you are settling for less than you deserve. He and my mom have been married for over 25 years and that just completely blows my mind! I definitely hold guys to a much higher standard because my dad has set the bar pretty high as far as my idea of what a man should be. Best parents ever? Yes I think so. He has influenced my life by teaching me right from wrong but also by giving me the freedom to make my own decisions with the knowledge that his love for me is absolutely unconditional.
2. Mom
She may kill me for picking that picture but seriously, is she not gorgeous? My mom has always pushed me to better myself (even when I didn't want to). She's always been that person who holds you to a higher standard and expects you to rise up and meet that standard.Of course there have been times when I thought she expected too much but she was always right. I was the one getting in my own way. If I wanted to accomplish something, I could. She's also one of the sweetest people I know and as a teacher she makes a difference in someones life every day. I feel like it's safe to say teaching isn't for me but I hope to be able to leave a mark on the
future just as she has. She's always been a strong role model for me and a huge motivator. She's also never afraid to be the bad cop and keep my sister & I in line.

3. The Little
There is absolutely no person in this entire world that I love more than my Little. That photo above was from her senior pictures (oh, gosh. I'm so not ready for her to be a grown up). She is the most creative, hilarious, outstanding person you will ever meet. People joke that we have some weird psychic connection and that's probably true. We're pretty in tune. I've always wanted to be a strong role model for her (whether I am or not you'd have to ask her). Obviously, I make mistakes but I try to set a good example. I don't necessarily want to teach her that she needs to be perfect or never fail. I want her to know that she has the freedom to be whoever she wants to be. Sometimes, though, I think she realizes that even better than I do. Little is exactly herself all the time and that is one of things I admire most about her. She's this nerdy, funny, beautiful free spirited person and she is truly such an inspiration to me. How did I get so lucky?

4. My grandma!

I consider myself to be insanely lucky because both of my grandmas are incredibly beautiful ladies (I'm hoping this means I'll age gracefully). My grandma is this insanely creative, talented person and when I'm around her I feel like I could be insanely creative and talented too. She's always been that person that made you feel gorgeous (she definitely brags on us and her house is filled with pictures of us) even when you feel like a hot mess. She says what is on her mind which I think is such an admirable trait because sometimes I think people (myself included) tend to sugar coat things almost to the point of dishonesty which is never my grandma's style. She's always been one of those people who I've admired and wanted to grow up to be like. She's basically the coolest woman in the world (hello! She taught me to roller skate on the roof!)

5. Boyfriend. 
Sometimes, I literally feel like the person I was over a month ago and the person I am right this moment are two completely different people. Okay, that's an exaggeration (sort of). But, before Boyfriend, I wanted very different things. I wasn't dishonest and I tried not to be misleading but I would date with no real intention of being in any sort of relationship. It just wasn't something I wanted. I hoped that my mind would change and someone would just "click" with me but no one ever did (in my defense, I told people up front I really wasn't looking for a relationship). Enter Boyfriend who I met while having drinks with some girlfriends at the place he happens to work. Apparently a friend of mine and a friend of his are friends (small world) and he was actually being set up with my friend but no one told me! Right from the get go he was this really easy person to talk to who smiled alot and laughed at all my lame jokes (turns out, he's quite the fan of lame jokes! He even has a few of his own!). In case you can't tell, somehow he got under my skin and stuck because even though I told him I was really hard to get, I pretty much knew I wanted to date him from the start. Of course, before we started dating I had a huge freak out with a friend of mine (to be on the list as well) about how I just didnt know if I wanted to be in a relationship at all because relationships are hard and opening yourself up to be vulnerable to someone is a really terrifying thing (what did I tell you about fears? They get in the way). Plus, you know, I was a strong, independent woman who didn't need no man. He's a helper by nature and I tend to prefer to do things on my own which sounds like a recipe for disaster but actually really works out well because we push each other out of our comfort zone and compromise- I clue him in and talk to him about what's on my mind, he tries to be supportive but give me the freedom to figure things out on my own. It's a pretty great mix. I'm sort of smitten. In case you needed more proof of his awesomeness when I said "Hey! Im blogging about you. Is that okay?" he said "Thats fine! I was actually hoping you would!" Hmmm, maybe there will be a Meet Boyfriend post in the near future!

6. My College English Professor
I have always loved writing. I have always hated school. Oddly enough, I usually hate writing for school, too. It just has never excited me. You can't write what you want and I always feel there isn't alot of room for personality in formal writing. I absolutely loved my Composition classes in college! First of all, my teacher was amazing and gave you fun topics to write about. He genuinely wanted to get to know you and read your opinions. He really made writing fun again. He made it a point to leave feedback on all your papers. Not just grammatical editing or a grade. If you made a joke he liked, he'd tell you. If he thought you could make your paper better, he'd give actual suggestions. If he was just in awe, he'd write about how you should consider trying to get published. He was incredible and really helped me find my voice and want to start writing for fun.

7. This girl.
She's one of those people who know every crazy little thing about me and loves me for all of it. She's taught me that it's okay for things to scare you but that sometimes you have to face those fears and accept that you are going to fail from time to time but it's worth it in the end. She's literally the strongest person I know and that has really inspired me to push myself and be a stronger person to. She has helped me to become much more open minded and accepting and has seen me through some interesting times. She is the epitomy of what a best friend should be. Oh, I'd just like to note that we don't always dress like crazies.Okay, well, sometimes I do.

8. This girl.
In my 20 Random Facts post, I told you that I get stuck in my comfort zone easily. Well, this girl is usually the one who forces me out of my comfort zone. My favorite thing about her (which she denies) is that she wants to be everyone's best friend the second she meets them. I'm quiet by nature (until I get to know you, then you may not shut me up) and she is much more social. She kind of breaks me out my shell and gets me to do things I wouldn't do on my own. Since we've became friends I have noticed a huge difference in how comfortable I am when meeting new people or hanging out in groups (things that would have caused me extreme anxiety in high school!). She's the goofiest, silliest gal on the planet and I admire her so much.
9. This adorbale girl. 

I talk alot about my family but I bet you didnt know that when I was in my teens I really didnt feel like I fit in with them. Now, that is completely self perceived. My family has absolutely always loved me and I have always loved them but I was a bashful kid and very quiet and I just felt like I didn't really relate. I was pretty content in my little shell where I didn't have to open up to anyone. Introduce this little goober who one day decided I was cool and my life has absolutely never been the same because somehow she brought me out of my shell and made me feel like I was such a cool big kid. She makes me miss being a kid in a million ways and reminds me that life is supposed to be fun and silly and not completely serious all the time.
10. That one ex.
Well, sort of ex. We dated in the phase where I wasn't wanting a relationship. He was not at all a bad person but he was in a weird part of his life. He put alot of limits on our relationship. He did not want to text me but he felt obligated to (probably should've realized we had a serious problem right there), we could only hang out one day a week, etc. I believe that every person you have a relationship with will shape you (some for the better, others not so much) and each is a learning experience and I only bring this up because this was a huge learning experience for me both positive and negative. It left me with a really weird fear that I would always just become an obligation and that every relationship would hit that point where it became a chore and really wasn't fun anymore. Now, I know that absolutely cannot be true but the fear is still there. Even though it really wasn't a huge deal, it made me question my own worth and I struggled in this instance. On a positive note, I actually learned alot about relationships from this person. First off, I realized you can't expect someone to want to text you all day every day and sometimes people need a little space and freedom (although, really, if they don't want to talk to you at all, you should just cut the chord). I also reevaluated somethings afterward and realized that I am worth more (which is quite the positive thing to realize). I wasn't going to be the girl someone settled for and I wasn't going to settle for someone who didn't really care whether they were with me or not. I went through a long phase where no one clicked because I had redefined my standards and not that they weren't great guys, but they weren't the great guy for me. Relationship wise, that's my best advice- don't settle just because you feel pressured to be in a relationship or dating. You deserve to be treated a certain way and you have worth. Never make someone a priority who will only see you as an option.

Everyone has a lesson to teach you if you look hard enough.

This post turned very relationship-py very fast. Definitely time for a break.