Day 18/30: Forgiveness.

The prompt for Day 18 is "what is the most difficult thing you've had to forgive?"

Hmm...

I feel like when other people are involved, I tend to forgive too easily. I don't want to harbor hard feelings. I don't enjoy cutting people out of my life or letting them go. I don't want to be controlling or tell people how to live there life. Lately though, it's getting hard to forgive people for not sticking up for themselves. We get stuck in negative situations so easily sometimes. I hate being the person to provide "tough love" because I very firmly believe YOU (the individual) are the ONLY person who knows what is right for you and your life. That being said, sometimes you see changes in people you care about that just cause you to WORRY. And then you worryworryworryworryworryworry about that person until finally you just hit the point where you say "Okay. You know what. If you won't stick up for yourself then I'm not wasting my time" and even though it doesn't make me ANGRY, I have a hard time forgiving in the sense that I have to distance myself from the situation and just allow myself to let go and move forward despite their decisions. It's hard to care for someone who won't care about themselves.

Although, this brings me back to that prideful feeling where I like to think that I know what's best for EVERYONE and I'm always right and what I say should just GO without any questions... yadayadayada. So, in some ways, I'm wrong in those situations too.

But you know what is truly the HARDEST thing to forgive? Myself.

I swear, if we treated other people the way we tend to treat ourselves we'd live very lonely lives. Why is it okay to tell myself such rude things when I could never say that to anyone else? Truth- it's NOT. We all set our own expectations for ourselves, right? We want to be a certain way and when something happens that makes us react in a way that isn't within our "ideal image", we are disappointed in ourselves. That is always hard for me to forgive- those moments when I let MYSELF down. Here's the thing about that, though- you can't just harbor that negative energy. Seriously. It will eat you alive.

Alot of times we set the bar for ourselves TOO high (I'm so bad about this!) and we hold ourselves to unreal standards that we wouldn't expect anyone else in the WORLD to be able to meet. I've found that sometimes other peoples expectations pressure us alot too and if I feel like I let someone else down, that also can make forgiveness difficult.

Yes, it's hard... but you can't live like that. So. In case you ever struggle the way I have before, just remember-

You are a beautiful, flawed, but still amazing person. Your flaws are your gifts. Own them and make the most of them. Whatever you've done wrong that causes you to struggle (like I do from time to time) with forgiving yourself- remember that everyone around you makes mistakes and these mistakes are very necessary parts of day to day life. Without mistakes, we would have a harder time learning and growing. Without mistakes, day to day life would be so dull and mundane if you were absolutely perfect all the time. You are brilliant. You are amazing. You are strong. And you are learning, changing, and growing every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

Someone very wise once told me to let every moment take you back to zero- every new moment is a clean slate seperate from the moment before. So, whatever happened in the last moment, this is a new moment- YOUR moment- move on, let go of the last moment, and know that there are far better moments to come!

Oh, plus, I kind of LOVE you.