Not the Post I Was Supposed To Write.

It's been a bit of a rough week in Destinyland.

It's just been the sort of week where you feel like you've let everyone down- I'm not posting enough, I'm not focusing enough at work, Finals snuck up on me. It's just been that sort of week.

And I'm grateful for it.

Because this week has taught me alot- about myself, about life. So many important lessons and it's only Wednesday (Lord help us!). I've taken on alot (did you read yesterdays post? Yeah, it's alot to juggle!) and it's been brought to my attention that I'm not giving all these projects 100%.

If I'm working, I want to blog. If I'm blogging, I feel like I should be doing homework... etc.

It's all bringing me back around to dealing with the fact that I fail from time to time. Try as I may, not every post is just completely filled with meaning and sentiment, not all my paperwork got done last week, I maybe didn't study quite as hard as I could have for finals and above all that- I'm exhausted. Thoroughly so.

So, yesterday, I sat down and thought about what it meant to fail. I have such a hard time accepting that I fail from time to time. I know I'm not perfect and I think that is truly a beautiful thing and I really appreciate that about other people but knowing and accepting it about myself are not always the same thing. In typical girl fashion I still strive for the unattainable. I still want to be the most successful version of myself. I stil hate those moments when I have to ask for help even though I fully understand that everyone needs help from time to time. I still struggle with pride and accepting all of my own flaws.

Have you read that book The Perks of Being A Wallflower? If you havent, you really should. It's one of my all time favorite books and inspires me every time I read it. The movie is fab too but honestly, don't start there! Take the journey for yourself by actually reading the book. Well, one of the quotes from the book is "We accept the love we think we deserve".

Have you ever felt not worthy?

That was me this week. Struggling to understand that even without sucess, even if I were to lose everything, even if I had made far bigger mistakes than I have thus far- I am worth loving. I have more to offer than this blog (that I love), my job, money, etc.

I also realized this week that I had become a bit complacent and had gotten comfortable in very nearly every aspect of my life and because I was so comfortable, I had quit really putting forth the necessary amount of effort in each area. So, I'm refocusing. I'm making a pact with myself to shake things up around these here parts. To put some oomph in my step. To work harder and to be better.

Sometimes, you need people to tell you you aren't doing everything you can. Sometimes you need to hear things you don't necessarily want to hear. Let that negative experience fuel you and motivate you and lead you to make positive changes.

I've gotten a bit lazy.

Expect some BIG changes in this crazy little thing I call my life.

And I'll be back to the 30 Things challenge tomorrow!